How an Autoimmune disease Inspired the healing of my Inner-self.

    

What is an autoimmune disease ?

An autoimmune disease is a condition in which your immune system mistakenly attacks your own body. According to NSCF, Nearly 4% of the world's population is affected by one of more than 80 different autoimmune diseases. 

The most common ones are type 1 diabetes, Hashimoto's thyroiditis, Rheumatoid arthritis, celiac disease, and Grave's disease. The Office of Research on Women's Health at the NIH has named autoimmunity a major women's health issue as it appears to be affecting more women than men.  

How the autoimmune disease killed my spirit to live. 

I was diagnosed with Hashimotos thyroiditis at the age of 23. I didn't have much of the symptoms initially, so it went unnoticed until I went to a dermatologist as I started finding the crazy lumps of hair in the bathroom waste trap to be growing more with each wash than the ones left on my head. 

She had me take some blood work, including thyroid levels. You get no marks for guessing what my results turned out to be, and ever since, I have been on thyroid medication and monitoring my TSH levels every three months. 

Now I am 32, and over the years, I have been struggling with all the textbook symptoms of Hypothyroid condition, from extreme fatigue to excessive hair loss, slow metabolism and faster weight gain, heavy periods to sleep problems, depression, and anxiety. It felt like being struck by a deadly cocktail of disaster. 

I felt old, tired, and run-down at the age of 25, and it seemed like life has lost its charm over me already. Every sunrise seemed like a painful reminder of having to live another day competing with the world and its perfect people bursting with energy and blessed with perfectly synced circadian rhythm. 

While they will have no idea what it feels like to be sleep-deprived, exhausted, with bouts of gloominess and absolutely no will to function yet having to show up day after another to perform in this competitive world.  

How I tried to fight it.

The thyroid medication wasn't any magic wand to help me from these evolving struggles of having an under-active thyroid gland. However, for the past decade, I still took them religiously at every dawn like a prayer. 

I obsessively tried all the alternative therapies from Ayurveda to Chinese medicine, Homeopathy to Siddha.

I followed all the fads and trends of Hashimoto's reversal diets out there: plant-based, gluten-free, Keto, Raw food, and Intermittent fasting.

They did help me feel a tad bit better, but nothing really made me feel the way I did before being diagnosed with this chronic disease. 

It's almost like my life split into two halves, before thyroid disease and post. I barely even remembered how I truly felt without this disease pulling my spirit down every moment of my waking life. 

How self-awareness lead me to my wounded self.

After being deeply inspired by one of the life changing spiritual self-help book I came across called Finding awareness : The Journey of self - discovery, authored by Amit Pagedar, I sacredly started observing my thoughts.

In the beginning, it felt very strange and challenging to follow the stream of racing thoughts, one of the classic hypothyroid manifestations. But eventually, with regular meditation & Insight practice, I was able to step back and watch my thoughts unfold slowly.

With that meticulous level of attention, I could finally discern the toxic self-criticizing thoughts that I have been living within my head for all these years.

And I could instinctively relate this vicious self-hating, and self-criticizing part of me to the nature of the autoimmune disease, a state wherein the immune responses are directed against and damage the body's own tissues.

This profound realisation made me feel sick in my stomach, thinking of all the severe damage I may have caused to my inner-self with all the self-inflicted hostility all these years.

 While I was busy being brutal and unforgiving of myself, scrutinising every part of my body, and finding flaws in every bit of my action, I didn't realize I was also scarring my soul deeply.

And my body was doing its own war of similar capacity, leaving my thyroid gland inflamed and dysfunctional. When this double whammy finally hit me, it pained me two folds.

           

How I healed my inner-self .

I slowly and consistently started catching myself doing the act of being self - reproachful, and I immediately rephrased the critical words to self-compassionate and self-accepting one. I excelled this process with time and patience. 

Like the famous quote "Fake it till you make it," however unreal or repulsive it felt, in the beginning, to be kind and appreciative towards me, I still did it with full conviction until it became my authentic self. 

The healing began, both at the soul level and physical level. It all started feeling very peaceful and at home, residing in this body and mind, finally after years of discord. 

              

Resistance replaced itself with reverence, fatigue replaced with spiritedness. A centred self lead to a calm sleep and health restored. 

There was a substantial drop in the dosage of my thyroid medication needed for me to keep my levels in balance. I moved from 75mg to 50mg and eventually to 25 mg. 

           

I follow a Whole-food, flexitarian diet, savouring every essence of life in optimal balance. 

I Practice Shirin - yoku (Forest bathing ), Niko Niko Run, and the mother of all the holistic healing - the yoga Practice. 

Meditation and various breathing practices aided in letting go of unnecessary body tension, thereby increasing the sense of serenity and deep restoration.

     

With these invaluable tools at my disposal, I have learned to appreciate every moment of my life, treat myself with unconditional self-respect, hold utmost gratitude for this life and I am filled with admiration for this beautiful universe.

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